"Playing poker is kinda like my love life, it's done alone and in front of the computer"

Well helloooooo there. Those fine people at EmpirePoker.com (hereafter referred to as TFPAEP) are willing to pay me a veritable King's ransom for anyone good enough to open a Real Money account with them and play on their site.  With over 45,000 registered players they are the largest online poker room out there, and tens of thousands of players play on there daily, for good reason.

"Really Bad Players Joining Daily. Come Win Some of Their Money"

A GUARANTEED $5,000 FREEROLL - every last Saturday of the month all new players who registered during the month and deposited $100 or more in their first deposit are invited to a free-to-enter tournament with a GUARANTEED $5,000 prize fund. Lovely.   A GUARANTEED $250,000  tournament - for as little as a $5 + $1 stake you could qualify for the big Empire Poker tourney on December 12th, with a GUARANTEED prize fund of a quarter of a million - that's a lot of bags of 'Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper' crisps! 

Empire also hold a DAILY $500 FREEROLL -  run every day at two-thirty. Dead simple. The first 250 players to click their mouse get to compete for a monkey, and no money down. Can't be bad. Want more? How about competing to win a seat at the next World Series Of Poker event in 2005 - the biggest televised poker tournament in history - a GUARANTEED FREE $10,000 WSOP 2005 seat will go to the top Tournament winner on Empire at the season's end (and this competition just started in September 2004).

EmpirePoker is also holding a great new Tournament called “TV Star”. The prize? A $17,000 package to fly to 'Sin City' in December 2004 to take part in the Five Diamond World Poker Classic Championship being held at the Bellagio, Las Vegas. The cost of entry? $1. Yep, you read it right. One dollar. This tournament, broadcast on TV, is the most watched program on the Travel Channel, with 1.6 million viewers worldwide. There's every chance your Mum will be watching, so don't forget to wave. 

As if that weren't enough, I get a tremendous kickback from TFPAEP for everyone who signs up, deposits money and plays, so COME ON PEOPLE, you know it makes sense. This is the ONLY way I hope to make any money at all out of my ridiculous poker habit - and all money paid to me by TFPAEP will of course be generously re-circulated at all future Friday night games... 

I even put another one here for all the 'lazies'. 

                         - "Behold the power of the Beer Hand!" -